top of page
  • Writer's pictureVedashree Khambete Sharma

You Don’t Have To Be Dumb To Work Here But It Helps

The time – one sunny afternoon on a relatively workless Friday. The place – the Java Green outlet at the mall next door. The characters – the Java Green cashier and me.

Me: Hi, I want a small coffee. Do you have anything smaller than a regular cappuccino or a regular latte?

JGC: Sorry ma’am, we don’t serve small coffees.

Me: Okay, tell you what, just give me an espresso with a shot of milk.

JGC: Espresso is plain black coffee, ma’am.

Me: I know. But…

JGC: It’s very strong, ma’am.

Me: Yes, I know. But can’t you give it to me with some milk?

JGC: Ma’am, espresso comes without milk, ma’am. It’s plain black coffee.

Me: Yes, yes, it’s just…

JGC: Americano is also strong black coffee, ma’am.

Me: Wha…?

JGC: You could go for a cappuccino or a latte, ma’am.

Me: I don’t want a cappuccino or a latte! They’re both too much to drink! I want something smaller. Why can’t you give me an espresso with milk?

JGC: No, ma’am.

Me: What?

JGC: We don’t serve espresso with milk ma’am. Espresso is plain, black coffee ma’am.

Me: Listen, you little imbecile. I knew the difference between an espresso and a cappuccino while you were still learning how to count to ten. Now, I know that’s what your IQ probably is. What you don’t know is that I’ve had a pretty frustrating day trying to write witty lines promising eternal beauty to ugly, middle-aged women. So don’t push your luck and connect all the loose circuitry in your brain so that you understand this: whatever pithy amount they’re paying you to wear a neon green apron, it’s not worth getting your face stuffed into a steaming hot milk jug. If the guys at Barista can manage to do this, so can you. So. Give. Me. An. Espresso. With. A Shot. Of. Milk. NOW.

(Of course, I didn’t say that. Well, not out loud anyway. I believe it was something along the lines of “Fiiiine, a latte please”. Ashish, my friend, you’re not alone, you see.)

8 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Has-Been / Yet-To-Be

I recently watched Kanan Gill's excellent stand-up special 'Is This It?' and it reminded me of this post I had written way back when. I'd written than two years before my first book came out and when

Privilege And The Pursuit of Excellence

The past couple of months have been a bit difficult on the personal front. The total and complete lack of a November post should have been a hint. But I thought why spam your inboxes and minds with a


Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page