‘Tis the season to be jolly

Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts. We’ve entered the Great Indian Wedding Season.

You are cordially invited. Mr. and Mrs. Soandso request the pleasure of your company. We would love you to join us. For a celebration. For the wedding of. For the engagement of. For the mehendi ceremony of. For the sangeet ceremony of. For the reception of. On the auspicious occasion of. For the impending nuptials of. Our son. Our daughter. Our niece. Our nephew. Our grandson. Our grand-daughter. Our darling.

The one who was voted Most Likely To Get Married First. The one who was voted Most Likely To Get Married Last. The one who was voted Most Likely To Die A Spinster. The weird one. The one you thought was a geek. The one you thought was a lesbian. The pretty one. The pothead. The one who stares. The one you thought would become a hippie. The one who’s uglier than all the hounds of hell. The one you thought was a creep. The one with the six-figure salary. The chauvnist. The activist. The one you thought was a tart. The one you never thought of.

No bouquets please. No gifts please. No envelopes please. We seek only your good wishes. We seek only your blessings.

P.S. Singles can find anti-depressants at a chemist near the wedding hall. Also, nya-nya-na-nyanya.