Vedashree Khambete Sharma
The Joy of Petty Curses
My mom does pranic healing.
I would've ordinarily scoffed at this but hey, it has helped her find peace and equanamity through my dad's cancer journey so who am I to question it? Besides, I've had enough brushes with bad juju for them to qualify as an act of downright creepery. And when nothing and nobody could help during my stint with the Delta variant, I found that pranic healing... did. So I don't scoff, I believe. Kind of. And so I try to keep calm and meditate, which given the sheer amount of construction, noise, pollution and the general pace of life in Mumbai, is next to fucking impossible.
Still. I have tried to embrace certain principles of spirituality within my life. Relax, I'm not about to sell you any rose quartz bracelets to balance your chi or promote a Soundcloud of chanting hymns to centre you. No, I just want to talk about how difficult it is to wish people harm when you have decided not to get carried away with negative thoughts.
Why am I wishing people harm? Good question. Have you ever commuted in Mumbai? There's your answer. Epic inconsideration is the mildest way to describe what you experience. And yet, here I am, resolved not to think "Die, motherfucker" when some jackass with a Jaguar throws traffic rules to the wind.
So, I have been forced to think of petty curses. These don't wish death and destruction upon those who have offended me, just minor... inconveniences. My soul and my aura, are thus, only slightly dusty, as opposed to covered with grime.
Here are a few, in case, you too want to take my example and saunter down the path to forgiveness and healing, with only a few stubbed toes along the way:
- May your walls have damp, and require replastering which lasts for 15 days.
- May your car be keyed and you not have the time for a paint job.
- May your food always be under-salted and may adding salt somehow make it worse.
- May you buy something you've always wanted online, only to find it at a much lower cost on a different website, a day after it has been delivered.
- May you never find anything in your size on discount.
- May you take a shortcut, only to find a major jam there due to unexpected VIP movement on the main road.
- May your selfies always turn out terrible.
- May there be absolutely no work in office when you go on vacation and let work suddenly pile up when you return.
I think I'll stop here in case I'm inviting similar luck upon myself.
But you go right ahead and use these every time you want to wish a horrible fate on some asshole who's out to get you.
For the rest of us? I wish love and light, you guys, love and light.