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  • Writer's pictureVedashree Khambete Sharma

Shot in the Dark

We live in sick times. Not just the mentally sick kind either. No, I’m not talking about the thousands of necrophiliacs, pedophiliacs, bestial fetishists and advertising people out there. I’m just saying there are a lot of diseases in the world we live in. From cervical cancer to restless leg syndrome, we face it all, and thanks to modern science, we have the weapons to overcome them too. Be it psychosomatic or psychopathic, all it takes is a pill, a capsule, a syrup or an uncomfortable hour on a shrink’s couch to bring us back to physical health and frightening sanity in easy one-dose installments.

My question is this: if medical science has progressed so much, HOW IS IT THAT WE DON’T HAVE MATURITY SHOTS?

It’s a need gap waiting to be filled. Whenever a husband struck by mid-life crisis has insisted on a nipple piercing, whenever a sibling on the brink of metrosexuality has tried on a tiger print shirt, whenever parents have threatened to commit suicide unless his daughter marries that nice boy from Thane, the world has cried out for maturity. In dolby stereo sound.

Think about it.

One shot in the arm is all it’ll take for a soul in need to realise in a sparkling moment of clarity, that nipple piercing HURTS LIKE A BITCH and makes you look less bad, more ass, that tiger prints are for aging B-grade starlets with a Mrs. Robinson complex and that dying in the cause of preventing your offspring’s happiness is about 312 on a stupidity scale of one to ten.

The market for maturity, ladies and gentlemen, is infinite. Every apology unuttered out of single-minded egoism, every mistake committed in the spirit of ‘I know better than you’, every request phrased like a command, every need ignored, every want exaggerated – they all hint at a severe maturity deficiency, regardless of age, sex and sexual preference.

And it’s the duty of a civilized race to help its members overcome their natural deficiencies. It’s practically social service. And in fact, some of us have even taken oaths to help humanity at large.

So, dear boys and girls who made the rest of us look bad by scoring 98% in your SSC exams, you who donated your brains and social lives to medical science, you who get the most hits on matrimonial sites and the highest bid on dowry just because of the snooty little ‘Dr’ before your names… you, yes YOU, are you listening?

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