Queer Eye: A Love Letter
Updated: May 30
I hate reality TV. Always have. Maybe because most of the shows I’ve come across involve people being… well, terrible. And they’re rewarded for it. Roadies, much? Splitsvilla even? Unlike Rook, who watches it as a guilty pleasure, I will not even deign to go near the shitfest that is Bigg Boss.
But I get the reason why they’re popular, I do. It’s so that regular people can sit in the comfort and safety of their own lives and judge people for their idiocy, their malice, their little games that thank god, I don’t play, uh-uh, because if I acted like that, I’d have no friends, no job, no love life and no family. Why? Because if I acted like that I’d be an asshole / drama queen / raging bitch and NOBODY WANTS THOSE IN THEIR LIVES.
Ok. I’ve calmed down.
So yeah, not a fan of reality TV. Except. Makeover shows. I loved Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style. Didn’t mind Trinny and Susanna either, if you ignore all the underwear grabbing and arse slapping. But the queen (pun gloriously unintended) of makeover shows in my book is undoubtedly Queer Eye.
I mean, look at these guys. If these five pretty, fabulous gay guys came over to your place and gave your life a makeover, would you like that?
I believe the correct response is (clears throat) YAASSS QUEEN.
And that’s what they do. They just bustle into some poor schmuck’s life like a rainbow-coloured whirlwind and when they’re done, everything is nicer, prettier, more organised and in a word, fabulous.
Look, I get it, okay? It is at the end of the day, reality TV. Maybe the poor schmuck is a reasonably paid actor. Maybe there is no redecorated house at the end of the rainbow. Maybe the gayness of the Fab 5 is too camp, too stereotypical, too playing-to-the-galleries-stuff.
My point is, all that notwithstanding, for 45 minutes you can sit and pretend that a new hairdo, a new wardrobe, new furniture, new cooking skills and a new attitude can really change life as you know it. You can bask in the sheer positivity, the enthusiasm, the slightly judgy humour (I’m looking at you Jonathan) and all the pretty, pretty things the Fab 5 bring to the table. And if you’ve been on a Shonda Rhimes binge, like I have (How To Get Away With Murder, Scandal) where HORRIBLE things happen to strong, beautiful, successful women*, you can see Queer Eye for what it is – the big bucket of smiles you needed to get through the day.
* This is to clarify that I love Ms. Rhimes. Nobody held a gun to my head to make me watch her shows. But you have to admit, that is exactly the sort of thing that would happen in her show, if you’re a reasonably attractive woman with something resembling a spine.