All The Pretty Girls

There are two things I’ve figured out about beautiful women. I don’t know which disturbs me more. And here, I’m not talking about models, actresses, top 10 pin-up girls or anyone whose professional life and self-image depend on Adobe Photoshop 7.0. No, I’m talking about women you meet in everyday life and go, “Wow, she looks nice” or if you’re guy, “Holy shit, she’s hot.”

The first thing is these women also get dumped. It’s not just us. And the shitty part is, they get dumped for plain-looking women too. I think on some level, most women can understand if the love of their life leaves them for someone who’d look comfortable on the centrespread of Maxim. We won’t like it, we’ll cry into our supersized chocolate sundaes about it, but we’d understand it. She’s hot, I’m not, it figures. But to get dumped for a plain-ass Jane… no, see, that just hurts. It’s happened to more than one gorgeous woman I know and I still don’t get it. Yes, I know what you’re thinking – maybe it’s personality or personal habits or chemistry or whatever. I thought so too, till one of them told me her ex categorically told her that she was being Ctrl-Alt-Deleted because she wasn’t pretty enough. Incidentally, this happens to be a woman men shove, jostle and generally degrade themselves to get introduced to. So yes, there is hope for beauty pageant rejects and absolutely no security for the prom queens.

Which brings us to the second thing. Beautiful women are friggin’ insecure about their looks, man. And again, no, not in a does-my-ass-look-big-in-this kind of way. They obsess over the tiniest stretch-mark, the smallest hint of a pimple, the teeniest stray eyebrow hair and the eensiest sign of cellulite. In other words, the million little things that make regular women go “Ugh” and move on, haunt their nightmares and stunt them as people. They don’t wear short skirts, they wear their hair strategically and they gasp at the thought of wearing a bikini to the beach. God, I know some who refuse to get busy with the lights on. Because they’re afraid that people (mostly men) will see, judge and not like what they see.

Me, I’d like to give the male of the species a little more credit than that. I’d like to believe that our imperfections are more evident to us than them. I’d like to think that when faced with a semi-clad woman, most men have other things on their mind than whether her legs are perfectly waxed or not. And I’d like to pray that while we may get dumped for not being pretty enough, may we never be dumped for not being perfect. Amen?