I’ve recently come across many women who’ve made it very difficult for me to defend the intelligence of my own sex. A lot of these women aren’t exactly dumb – just naïve. The kind who live in a dream world filled with fluffy pink clouds, butterflies, bluebirds and other sickeningly cute Disney creatures. They also believe in the basic goodness of humankind, the purity of romantic love and the righteousness of men.
I don’t particularly blame them and I can’t really disillusion them about the first two. But men – I can tell them and you a few truths about men. Consider this your reality-check, girls.
All men check out all women. Hands-down, no arguments,
basic principle of life. Even ugly men. Even the watchman. Even your dad’s friend. Even your friendly neighbourhood grocer. ALL men. It’s got nothing to do with age, socioeconomic status or political views. It’s not personal. It’s just… men.
All men want sex. If you’re seeing someone who tells you he’s only interested in your personality, he’s a bit fat liar, babe. Sure, he may like you for your brains, your charm or the way you wrinkle your nose while thinking, but the baseline is he wants sex from you at some point. That’s why he’s dating you and it’s really not rocket science.
All men think about sex lots. This has nothing to do with whether they’re single, attached, married or divorced. And this is equally true of men shopping for oatmeal in a supermarket and of men stranded on a deserted island with just a coconut for company. The supermarket guys will be thinking of what it would be like to do it in the aisles. The island guys will be wondering if their situation justifies doing a coconut.
All men think of women in terms of ‘gettable’ and ‘not gettable’. On some level. At least in the beginning. And in locker room gossip. If they’re smart, they label ‘not gettable’ women as ‘not gettable’ pretty quickly. But there are always those optimistic many for whom the world is filled with ‘gettable’ women, who they’ve inexplicably not got. All men think a “No, thanks” is secretly a “Yes”. Say a guy asks you out.
You’re not really interested. You, being polite, make up an elaborate excuse involving friends and a trip to the zoo, hoping he’ll get the hint. He won’t. Not unless you tell him a clear-cut, no-nonsense ‘No’. No, sorry. No, perhaps some other time. Just no. And then, keep your fingers crossed.
There, I’ve done my good deed for the day. Oh, and guys, I dare you to say it isn’t so.