Vedashree Khambete Sharma
The Big Bullshit
The stereotype is dangerously close to the truth. As women, we’re our own worst enemy.
We want to love and be loved in return and that’s nothing to be ashamed about. But forgetting everything else, all that’s right and wrong (I won’t say good or bad because I don’t want to sound all morally superior here) just because you’re in love… it’s a habit we’re going to have to learn to break.
Some of us flirt with men who’re taken – someone’s boyfriend or fiance or husband. Some of us take it a step further, making it about the conquest, the I-can-have-any-man-I-want kick. And then there are those of us who fall for The Big Bullshit.
My girlfriend doesn’t understand me. I’m only marrying my fiance because my parents want me to. My wife doesn’t love me anymore. She’s manipulative, she’s frigid, she’s a bitch, we’ve not had sex in months.
The Big Bullshit, ladies and gentlemen. The single lie we get told by the men we love about the women they love. The single lie that we keep telling ourselves over and over again to justify dating / seeing / sleeping with / being in love with a man we have no business being with. It has a shelf life longer than wax and the after-effects of a tank full of tequila, minus the lemon and salt.
Because we’ll do anything to keep The Big Bullshit alive. We’ll keep the affair a secret, we won’t go out in public, we’ll tell everyone we’re just friends, we won’t tell our friends, our family, we’ll do anything they ask us to, we’ll be anyone they ask us to, because don’t you know, he loves me, he loves me.
And the single reason we continue down this part of self-delusion is this: we don’t think for half a second about the other woman in the equation. Sure, we think of her in a trying-hard-not-to-feel-self-satisfied kinda way: Aw, poor thing, I feel so sad for her, but he loves me, don’t you know, he loves me.
You sure of that, babe? Here’s the acid test. Try saying these words the next time and see how it goes:
Your girlfriend doesn’t understand you? Break up with her and I’ll be understanding. You’re parents are forcing you to marry your fiance? Call it off and we’ll talk. Your wife doesn’t love you? Get a divorce and I’ll make up for lost time.
Maybe she’s a cold, calculating, frigid, emotionally unavailable, psychopathic bitch. Doesn’t make it alright. Maybe they’ve been having problems. Doesn’t make it alright. Maybe they’re wrong for each other and the two of you just… fit, you know? Doesn’t make it alright. NOTHING makes it alright.
Why this, you ask? Why now?
Well. There’s this girl, you see. She’s been in love with a boy for the past ten-eleven years. They’ve been together and apart, she’s believed his lies, forgiven his philandering, ignored all the loopholes in all the stories. She’s even taken care of his mother the whole time he was out screwing half the female population of a small town.She’s bought into The Big Bullshit. And now, they’re getting married this weekend.
Perhaps she knows exactly how much of an asshole he is. Maybe she has no real clue. Either way, doesn’t make it alright.